Reframing Our Language Around Cancer

These are lines from news articles of people who have died with a cancer diagnosis:

“Olivia Newton John lost her battle to metastatic breast cancer”

“Diahann Carroll, who was a successful singer and most beloved actress, lost her fight with cancer today”

“Peter McNab has died at the age of 70, the network reported. McNab had been battling cancer over the last year."

These people battled and lost.

“Mimi Parker died Saturday, she had been living with ovarian cancer”

This person died of cancer also but while they had cancer they were living and evidently didn’t lose.

Language is a weird and nuanced thing. Three of these people who all lived with their cancer for varying degrees of time just couldn’t win, they battled and battled and lost. Using that language it seems like it is their fault. Did they not fight hard enough? Did they give up? Did they not have the right arsenal for a win? I wonder how they felt knowing that even though they battled and fought, they lost?

The other person lived with her cancer. She had it and lived with it, evidently she wasn’t at war, she was just living with it. She didn’t lose.

I get that we use the language of battle and fighting and warrior to feel less freaked out over a cancer diagnosis both for the cancer patient and the people in their lives. It sounds actionable.. Here is the thing though, by making it a game of winners and losers we hurt the cancer patient and their legacy. Died a loser, not my plan. If we want to go with that idea then aren’t we all really losers at life because death is coming for us all. She battled life as long as she could but finally lost the life battle, and died.

Only people who have serious possible terminal illnesses have to do battle, that takes a toll.

Here is a good article that better explains why this battle metaphor is not good.

I am living with cancer, they are that unwelcome guest who I wish would leave and not continue to trash the place but they seem disinclined. I have people (my oncologist) doing all they can to evict cancer. They are doing some hard work to evict my guest and it seems to be working. That doesn’t mean they won’t stay or move back in with friends though. I am living with that.

I am not at war, in a battle, or a warrior, that language borders on victim blaming. If they had just fought a little harder, they might have won. No. People with cancer are living the best they can with a shitty diagnosis.

So I don’t use battling, fighting, warrior, in my head that just doesn’t ring true or feel like it is fair to me. I have found myself slipping into that language when I talk to someone because that is what they expect but I don’t use it in my own brain and don’t believe it. And I think I will stop using it at all, other people can figure out their own reframing.

Right now I am Paige who is currently in remission. If it comes back I will never lose the battle because there was no war and I was not fighting. I will be living with cancer if it comes back. I will die while having lived with cancer if that is how it goes.