Life - Part 2?

Looking at my own mortality has been a ride I’d rather not have taken. But I did and I am. So it feels like I am looking at Paige’s Life - Part Two. I have been thinking, probably way too much, about what that will look like. This is my thinking - all thinking is subject to change - I can do whatever I want this time around!

• First - be more profane - why the fuck not?

• Write more. But. Screw. Conventions. Use more bullets when I write. And hyphens instead of commas and periods whenever I feel like it -

• Ride my bike like I am 10 again - for fun and exploration - I don’t need a fucking destination.

• Ride more and in places I have never ridden before - explore.

• Love deeper and friend harder - be more to people. Show up. Open up. Be present.

• Dig in the dirt - smell it - enjoy every second of it.

• Take more naps, any time, any place. Naps are amazing.

• Enjoy my fucking retirement - I earned it! But I know it is okay to work if I want to…

• Do more art and be okay with imperfection. Do it, pencil to paper, brush to canvas - don’t be a critic.

• Slow the fuck down - eat slower, stop and watch the birds, walk in my flower beds - just be.

• Listen to more music and really hear the words - listen loud and sing loud. But I probably won’t dance more.

• Get more tattoos. Or not. But either way embrace this old body as is, scars,wrinkles, and tattoos will tell my story. That also means learning to love this new body - that is not going to be easy

• I will still have a problem with stupid people and will probably still mock them - I can’t change everything and stupid people annoy the crap out of me.

Also I may do some of this or none of this - I am human - I may slip back into my old ways - Cancer isn’t making me some kind of saint - I. Am. Still. Me.

And I will remember this quote from When Breath Becomes Air:

“I began to realize that coming in such close contact with my own mortality had changed both nothing and everything. Before my cancer was diagnosed, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when. After the diagnosis, I knew that someday I would die, but I didn’t know when.”