After Cancer

In remission, that means this nightmare is over and I can go back to normal. Wrong. As I am learning in my own situation and others, that remission mark is just one step toward getting back to normal. All of the side effects and other medical issues caused by the cancer and treatment still linger and must be addressed. This can be as stressful in some ways as the cancer treatment.

For me that means getting my ureters rebuilt and getting rid of the nephrostomy tubes. It means waiting for the neuropathy in my feet to fade. It means getting stronger again and gaining weight.

So getting all that done should get me back to normal - yeah right - I will definitely not be the same in body or mind.

To a certain extent this part of the shitty cancer journey seems harder. I have different doctors now, in the urology department, and don't feel the same amazing vibe from them that I did from the oncology department. So that is frustrating. And nothing goes as planned. Had minor surgery to get ureter stents placed and to turn my nephrostomy tubes off. I was so excited for this to occur. It didn’t work. Cherie had to take me to the ER four days later and I had an appointment on Monday where I did not feel listened to. We had to turn the nephrostomy tubes back on and meds - more meds with side effects. And now I am in limbo, not sure what the next steps are.

In my support group and among my friends I see this as a common trend. The oncologists have done their work and now other departments need to do work to fix everything back up. For some reason this seems trickier than cancer. These doctors don’t seem to have the same urgency that went with the cancer diagnosis, we are just another patient in their long list of patients. They don’t seem to realize we need this last step to feel human and normal again and that we have already had a hella long road. To them it is just a regular procedure, they don’t get the urgency or understand that we just want our battered bodies back to, if not normal, something that allows for a good quality of life - because hey - we just survived cancer - we get more life!

I don’t know how to make this part of the journey better, I just know it is a step I didn’t expect and I don’t like it. I guess I will be doing a lot of self advocating and keep moving forward.